The Weirdo's Journal

Isaac Hayes came to visit. I asked him for an autograph, so he signed my “South Park” movie DVD case.

I went over to a gas station with a group of fellow employees. I was put in charge of filling up the storage room with gasoline. After the job was finished, I rode my bike home. An hour later, I noticed smoke coming from the east. I rode my bike outside. Then I saw that the gas station was on fire. I got worried that they might find out it was me, and that I’d have to pay a huge fine.

Magic Johnson came to visit my town. Every time he shook someone’s hand, he’d put on a different leather glove. Minutes after I shook his hand, Curtis Thompson warned me about catching the AIDS virus.

Brandon Parker came over to visit. He tried to test-drive my car, but he broke it seconds after turning on the ignition. Later, my dad came back home. He was all upset with Brandon, so he went inside and came back with a miniature wooden bat. He struck Brandon with it a few times, but he sat on a stool without a care while being clubbed in the head.

I was in the civil war reenactment as a Confederate Soldier.

Jermy Byrd and I were touring New York City. We saw a giant Byzantine Cathedral, and Jermy said that its architecture is beautiful enough to make a medieval peasant cream in his pants.

I was at a beach with my dad and cousin Chris McIntosh. Around the shallow waters, I saw three giant elephants with a bunch of guys tying them up. They were cutting the trunks off the elephants. I also met Hilria Johnson there. He was one of those who were cutting off the trunks. Later I realized it was Sunday, so I was all worried about missing church.

I had gray hair, and I was telling some of my friends at work about it.

I was smoking a bong in grocery receiving at WalMart.

At the front door of Jessica Sedon’s apartment, her mailbox had a bunch of photos. I took them and saw pictures of her and her family. Later, Christopher Merryman and I took a trip to Canada. There, everyone looked like Terrance and Philip.

While I was working at WalMart, John Drogalis invited me to go to a ski resort with him, Jessica Sedon, and Amanda Zorger. Right after work, we went back to my house. Jessica was driving my car while I sat in the passenger side. John was messing with my radio. At my house, they left and said they’ll pick me up.

I went back to the Art Institute. At one point, I spoke to Buddha on the phone asking to see Christie Pommier. Later, I met Seth Hicks and Jeremy Kaelin.

I drove all the way to Pittsburgh. There, I met Christie Pommier.

Me, Jeremy Long, Jessica Sedon, and Jeremy Kaelin shared a house together. After finishing breakfast, I went upstairs to brush my teeth. Jeremy Kaelin downstairs yelled at me for leaving food all over the kitchen. Later, my parents informed me that I’m going to move with them. I cried as I was getting ready to tell Jeremy Long and Jessica about me moving.

I moved to planet Uranus. After a day there, I looked at my ID card and found out that my blood type isn’t compatible with life on that planet... so I had to move back to earth. I later met Spanky Ham and Captain Hero. We were discussing about what our blood types are. I told them that I’m A-positive.

Jennifer Chirdo and I were on our way to the airport to pick up her cousin. Then we went back to the dorm room, I met her Arab-looking friend. I tried quoting Ezekiel 25:17, but I didn’t remember most of it. Jennifer’s cousin was actually her imaginary friend.

I was visiting the Art Institute. I met Jessica Sedon and John Sudar. Jessica had blond hair. I tried to take a picture of her with my cell phone, but she told me not to. Then I asked John for his email.

My dad went to jail for a few days. When he got out, I tried asking him why he was convicted but he wouldn’t give me an answer.

My cousin Evan McIntosh and I went to New York City of the future. Then much later, we went to the South, which looked like a giant rollercoaster in the sky. I looked around and saw automobiles on the tracks. After the ride, I returned to Heath, Ohio to pick up a few things I forgot.

Snoop Doggy Dogg was an evil magician, and every time I said something in ebonics, he would appear and try to kill me while rapping.

I went to a Catholic church with my parents and my grandpa. I saw Matt Banks and Missy Benton there.

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